Hazy days x)

HELLO :)

It's been a hazy week (which explains the title ;)) but the haze is getting better so far, with all the cloud seeding and change of wind direction.

well, cant say i enjoy the haze but... well, as a fellow twitter user puts it, 'this is the closest i've gotton to a natural disaster, and it's slightly, just slightly, EXCITING'

it has certainly been a happening week, and i've never appreciate twitter that much. singaporeans have apparently been able to look on the bright side of the haze, with the memes and all, and i've nv seen singaporeans this united

FROM YAHOO NEWS ;)

everyone's always eagerly looking out for the PSI and the ocasional funny vids

and i find that Singaporeans are really cute HAHA ;) or maybe its just our generation eh x)

Now the singaporean fashion is to wear mask, N95 or not.

ok, onto more serious issues that i really want to express my views on...

Indonesia calling us childish...

and then saying this: 

HEHEHE DAMN JOKE

who's the childish one here? the smoke THEY are causing is affecting the daily lives of Singaporeans, we definitely have the right to complain and ask them to take action. i understand that by calling us childish, they are trying to prevent Malaysia from pressuring them as well, but seriously? dont u think....that by calling us childish, it is ironically proving that they are the childish ones instead? (plus come on lah, they think they are the only ones that have trees meh, aiyo) 

And then saying that  they are not gonna apologise...

OMG hahahha i kindda burst out laughing when i read that. and i certainly agree with our Law and Foreign Minister that we are so NOT asking for their apology. come on, they have been apologising for the haze that has been happening EVERY YEAR. we dont need another insignificant and meaningless apology, we need this HAZE to stop enveloping our country. i think we understand if they need time to correct this issue but the way they put it, it is as if we are demanding an apology and it is not their fault. come on, even the newspapers have published that the fire is from lands owned by indonesian companies, and even if it has been spread by the farmers, well....they are their people. 

they told the press that the Indonesian companies should not be blamed...

and b4 that they were trying to blame our Singaporean companies, how nice.

haha ok so that's all for hazy issues for now :) glad that its getting better now.

xoxo Beatrice 

Sleepless NIghts :)

HI

I just found something interesting on youtube

Singapore Compliant Choir

OK. That's random ._.

Anyways...yep sleepless nights. Haven't been able to fall asleep the past few nights seems like my insomnia's acting up again HAIZ

And so... with all the trying to sleep, lying on the bed doing nth... i kindda did lots and lots of brain work also known as thinking.

I think i've changed  a lot lately...or to be exact the past 1 year.

yea not only physically but well mentally/emotionally too i guess?

Sure, i've grown taller by quite a bit and i guess im uncovering more abt me and who i am... hey but im no where near.

And if you ask me... i really hate myself at times.

And i mean that negative feeling is getting stronger.

And no not that i wanna kill myself or anything liddat.

It's more of a 'i really really feel like bashing myself up' kindda thing.

It's like i really dunno why i give the wrong reation at times.

Dont give me the you are supposed to be yourself and theres no such thing as wrong reation and all

And this is not a poem even tho this line by line thing makes it seem like one.

It's just that im used to reading ppl, and giving them the reaction i want

And that includes suppressing what i really wanna say and do

I just well serve to please

But lately that's not the case

I am seriously NOT giving people the reactions they want, and well that's wierd

And i get cranky....and im no longer slow to anger.

I get angry pretty fast now..... and argh i have some problems hiding it.

Which feels weird.

And i can't keep smiling when i dont feel like it anymore.

Like i mean if something goes wrong i cant keep the smile on my face

Like it will momentarily appear then disappear

Which feels weird coz.... well i smile a lot

Ok end of rant and all >_< i really dont want my blog to become some ranting site

SO... back to sleepless nights

I think i have a split personality. Or at least sth liddat. And i know which one is the real me... but i dont want to part with... the other me.

Makes sense?^

hmm let's just say the smart aleck, care-free kid you see most of the time... was built by me. Was established strongly and put in action since i was young. A projection of what i want others to see me as. And well... that's not the real me. This me doesnt hv a care in the world, has a slight AP, might be slightly AA and is a real friendly person...and this person is actually not me. Pretty creepy huh. I really dunno when i started with this but it's like what i want people to see me as. well, im not dropping it any time soon... it works well in this society i guess.

Well, as for the real me...i guess its slowly revealing itself while i fight it off so i can keep on my cover^

As far as i know, i dont trust anyone, analyses every single person i see and can be quite focus >< yep, lets just say i discovered i cant trust anyone HAIZ which you can kindda explain y i nv have many good friends...simply bcoz i dont trust everyone and anyone around me! And well i caught myself judging others too many times to count... which is scary.

So... that's all for today i guess. I hope i dont freak anyone out.

Alone with my bro at home for these 3 days. Had fun! :)

xoxo Beatrice

First Week of Hols!

*ahem*  HI THEREE :) just realised i didnt post my full well... post the previous time >< but i did finish what i really wanted to talk about heh. But anyway, this is dedicated to my FIRST WEEK OF HOLS WHOOTS :D

i figured SG's june hols is kindda like summer break

with this weather :)

So with my smiley face and all... i guess you can tell that im pretty hyped up and its been a great week x)

I must say this June hols was well timed.. as exciting, aweshum and kewl this half a year has been, i think we all needed a break...perhaps pretty badly.

So WHAT did i do so far...

Day 1... slacked at home most of the day and went to eat texas chicken with Mom and bro :) OMNOMNOM i still love KFC a lot more...but i think texas chicken seems....more real (referring to the chicken here) 

then after slacking around and all, went for a meeting with mentor Weiqi, Mel and Yijun at Boston Seafood place and it was not bad apart from the fact that im kindda allergic to seafood .__. And we settled a lot of details that we were still relatively unsure of about A Night To Remember, quite a productive night :)

Day 2... SMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

ok, theres actually only one O. BUT IT WAS SO HARD I WAS MINDBLOWN WHICH EXPLAINS THE NUMBER OF Os AND CAPS THAT IM USING NOW COZ MY MIND STILL HAS YET TO RECOVER. yes, it was hard. I mean like super hard. i mean like i kindda expect to get a Participation *sobs* that's how hard it is. and yep, i got lots and lots of diff ans from Terrence and thats pretty freaky, coz between me and him, he's the math genius >.< 

Replace 'Math 1' with SMO and that would be me

And since i mentioned that mine and terrence's ans were totally different, yes i peeked at his paper BUT I DID NOT CHANGE MY ANS. really. like i looked at the last min and was like WTS then i didn't touch my paper at all and handed it up xP

Then went to eat lunch at Jap restaurant... with Mom and bro again. At J8.

heh.

Day 3.... LOL WAIT I CAN'T REMEMBER >.<

OHHHH... went to fetch Dad real EARLY in the morning (woke up at 5+) from the airport. Got to see the sunrise from the train but i didnt take a photo. It was really nice! I mean i was sleepy but i wouldnt do anything in the world to change that :)

Sunrise :')

And then had BK breakfast. Then slept like a pig for the whole day after that xP

Thurs: HAHAHAH HISTORY PROJECT AND REVIVAL NIGHT WHOOTS

Slept till super late in the morning then rushed off for lunch with Beier at church! which was quite fail coz i ended up eating microwave food from 7-11 x) Camillus arrived at 2 and we proceeded to do work (or more like he proceeded to do the work coz he drew, thought of most of the stuff, went home to draw a better one and coloured it after that and now i feel really BAD) I DIDNT MEAN TO BE SUCH A SLACKER :( SORRY.

Revival Night was great. Really. All 3 of us were touched by the Lord! :) Worship was really awesome as usual and so was the sermon :) It was about miracles :) And i think we all need miracles so it was very applicable :)

MIRACLES ^^

Friday: Slacked at home heh. Yep, i think that was all i did x)

not this slack but it looks so cool i just had to post it 

Saturday:

My normal busy mornings and then went for Definition! Yes, my very first time.... Oh well.. they didnt really hv cell this week, so i cant say that i saw the cell in action HAHA...Hmm but it was alright coz they were talking about fellowship and so on and so forth that i have heard so many times and how to bond and grow and love and seek God tgt... yep. And apparently they have this NEW BEGGINING book that i have to do and im kindda... yes sian to do it becoz...srsly...i've kindda been thru 2 of such books alr...and it feels like IM ALWAYS STUCK ON THIS LEVEL 1 THING T.T ok, i know that most of you will go like nooo its not level 1 and yada yada but yea... im always doing the same thing and i am quite bored of doing the same thing all the time when i go for bible study >.< It's like i wanna explore sth else ._. I JUST DONT LIKE REPETITIVE STUFF D:

Yep so thats my short rant. TY for reading xP Service was great :) It was about water baptism and they were doing alter call but i didn't go up. Sure, the sermon was impactful and all but... i mean the commitment that i'll have to make... i dont wanna give a promise that i wont keep xP i really needa think through all that first.

Dinner with church peeps and it was quite nice apart from the fact that idk half of them or what they are talking abt xP BUT THEY ARE NICE PPL :)

And Beier owes me one dollar :D

Sunday/today:

Im typing this so yep, im blogging LOL

And i finished partial fractions notes so im proud and all :)

Have you ever felt so lonely...even if you have so many friends?

true or false?

xoxo Beatrice

Doing nothing is very hard to do, you never know when you are finished.

So...i went church today. It was cool and the message was good as usual...but tbh, it didn't really touch me or anything.....felt like i was going thru the motions :(

I think thats bad.

zzz... i really dk what to say abt that haiz...

At least i should feel refreshed or happy or something right? :(

I shall reflect later.

Ok, anyways Band people left for Australia this morning and Bio/Geog trip ppl leaving for UK now! Aww manx, JELLY! zzz and when i think abt that... i think of Math Aus trip and i really really miss it...

but tbh i dont really regret not going for Band one, coz im not close to band peeps, and company is really important. BUT I DO REGRET NOT GOING FOR THE BIO-GEOG TRIP! xP

I cant change the past so i wont dwell on that.

But i cant stop spazzing over memories of Aus trip :) thank you to all those ppl who were with me for giving me the wonderful and amazing memories :)

Had watch breakfast ytd! forgot to mention that in my previous post xP

It was really fun and kewl and aweshum i mean like what can get better? With almost the whole watch reunited? :)

Really wanna thank those who made an effort to come :) Macs Burger nv tasted better ;)

And i learned that harshbrown with pancake syrup tastes nice :) Try it!

CLASS OUTING

And i think i really ought to apologise for forgetting to post abt class outing and watch breakfast in the previous post. I wonder how i forgot...anyways :)

IT WAS REALLY GREAT I HV NO WORDS TO DESCRIBE APART THAT IT WAS A SUCCESS :D

HAHA despite our last min rush to come out with stations for the class to complete, and um well the smell of mushrooms..... IT WAS DAMN FUN BEING PART OF THE OUTING COMM :)

Making them cross dress, dance, do harlem shake,posing as models and then watching their videos and looking at their photos...was just hilarious and it's like....seeing a new side of them.

And OMG WE FINALLY MET 'BOB' but his name is actually Darius xD (is that how u spell it im sorry if i spelt it wrong) Thank you Ms Poh for bringing her really shy but cool BF!

Wanna thank all those who came for making this outing a success! And thank you for being so sporting and enthu! :)

And of coz, i wanna thank the outing comm for planning the whole thing and Charis for hosting us! <3

Um and im sorry to say that i will not post any photos of the class outing here coz they are all unglams and i feel damn bad if i post them here w/o permission.